I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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