You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
