next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
