dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize