i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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