I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
