I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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