that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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