she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I can't put those talents on a resume
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
