Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
