With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
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Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
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last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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