Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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