Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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