Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
