I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
