2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
