You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
