I'm lost and stupid without you.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
