living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
