Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
