so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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