Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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