it was like his penis was on wheels.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
