Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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