MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
