I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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