i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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