Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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