TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
