i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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