Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
