I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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