Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
