I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
