areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
