and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
