Umm I'm too high to move.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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