got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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