Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
