The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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