this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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