Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
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My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
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He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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