I want to make a zoo with you.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
