I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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