just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
This is the high leading the old right now
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
