Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
