i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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