There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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