I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
