I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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