So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize