But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You may now shotgun with the bride
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
