My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize