Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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