I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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