Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
