I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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