she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
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No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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