I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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