I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
