p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
