hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
