I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
