I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
