My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
