Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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