I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
