im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
